I was at the doctor last Friday getting a cancerous mole removed.

 

As I waited for the dermatologist to come at me with a scalpel and sharp needles, I tried to calm myself with the reading material plastered on the walls. There were Botax ads, samples of skin softeners and suggestions for facial conditioning. 

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I noticed my thoughts getting sucked up into the message of smooth skin as universally desirable, when I caught myself. Why would I want to look like I am in my twenties when I am in my fifties? 

 

Fortunately for my sense of sanity, I spend three hours a day with people under six. They have no interest in skin softeners. They will most likely express concern when I show up with a big white bandage tomorrow, but then we will get back to the business of eating sandwiches. Actually, they are still in that phase of life when they try to stretch their age to sound as old as possible, as in "four and three quarters". Wishing to look younger than you are would be preposterous. 

 

I collect quilts. I am pretty enamored of the ones I have that are eighty or a hundred years old. The history within their fabrics and age is intrinsic to their beauty. The playful prints from the thirties tell me a story of a nation that wanted to be happy in tough times. The somber colors of the late 1800's speak of the dignity and reserve they valued in society.

 

Marriage accumulates value through the years. My thirty year old commitment has more strength than when it was  brandy new, not because we did not mean it, but because our love had not been through the refiner's fire.

 

I am grateful to have been a bride in my twenties, with twenty year old skin, standing next to a young man who could sprint across the field without getting winded. I am glad to have my collection of freshly minted quilts, with batik fabrics and vibrant hues. 

 

I am also thankful to be a fifty something wrinkly wife, cuddling with my husband of many years, under a faded quilt that looks like it has kept people warm through seventy winters.

 

Our marriage has sheltered us through some nippy times too.

Photo by Chara Odhner

www.caringformarriage.org