Marriage Moats-365

Published: Wed, 02/09/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

One year today.

My daughter Chara has been taking photos for a long time, but something happened in the last twelve months. She set herself a goal: One photo a day. Better photos.

For a year she has crammed a daily shoot into her already bulging life, and posted one of the best images online for others to see.

You have been the beneficiary of those efforts, having seen some of the splendid photographs she has graciously let me include in these messages.

Let me assure you that I was a fan of her photography before she started this project. I am after all her mother. Being a novice, I saw minimal differences between her pictures and those in National Geographic. Fewer animals, I suppose. But I have seen the light. (Usually provided by a strobe) Her burgeoning ability to capture a story, or an idea, or a question, or a feeling captures me.

Chara had a peer group doing it as well. Andy, and Jenny, and Joe and Caleb have all worked hard at their 365s too. Their collective energy made a difference on many late afternoons when catching the fading sunlight, or tromping at midnight in the rain with tripods and softboxes seemed less than appealing. They learned from each other, gave feedback, and shared equipment. Because of the commitment and the support, Chara showed up every day.

Last week she was photographing an event, and as she was packing up I asked how it went.

"Not so great. See that block of chairs over there? There is natural light from the windows on them. Those people will photograph well. But that section over there is in shadow, and those shots will be too dark."

More light over there? I guess I saw what she meant. It was subtle though. How did she figure out how to look for those conditions? Not from me, certainly.

What would happen if people took on a 365 in their marriage? Maybe a couple would choose to spend a half an hour each day walking hand in hand, or finding ways to make each other laugh. It could involve reading on the couch, or making goals for kindness. Perhaps it would include a peer group who could share encouragement, check in with each other or spend time together. They could post updates on what they appreciate about their spouse. I know when I let myself be near grateful wives, it's contagious.

I have heard women more experienced than me say things that left me in the dark. They knew about timing when bringing up a subject with their husbands, or how to cast a good light on his efforts at communication. I wanted to get their results, so I started to look for those conditions too.

It is entirely possible that you could grow more in your relationship in the next twelve months than you have in the past decade of semi conscious participation.

Goal: Better marriage.

www.flickr.com/photos/charamelody/

Photo by Chara Odhner