Marriage Moats-Making Tigers

Published: Tue, 11/30/10

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I teach children how to sew. I line up Berninas and Featherweights on the dining room table and arrange rainbow piles of fabric for them to choose from. I try to have every bobbin filled before they arrive, so that the whole ninety minutes is devoted to creating doll clothes and stuffed tigers, not untangling jammed throat plates.

The other day a girl asked for help with her snarled machine and I felt embarrassed at keeping her waiting while I unclogged it. Tugging at lint, I looked over my shoulder at her and noticed not impatience, but curiosity. She seemed as interested in the process of fixing the problem as she was in pinning seams.

I was surprised. This was a novel thought for me. Was it possible that the ability to coax a recalcitrant Singer back into service would benefit her as much as that of gathering a sleeve?

I remembered conversations with women who offhandedly said things like, "I bought an expensive sewing machine, but I cannot get the tension right, so it sits in a closet."

If I empower kids to make pillows and bean bags, but only when I scuttle behind them re-threading and adjusting, have I really launched them? They will be able to create curtains and quilts, but only if the conditions are perfect.

I have heard of couples who have a policy of never arguing in front of the kids. John and I have never been proactive enough to closet our jammed up conversations, and suddenly I wondered if maybe that was a good thing. The kids saw us unpack the feelings, and rephrase the concerns. Maybe those memories will resurface in their minds when their own relationships tangle and snag.

Because every marriage I know of needs a little unclogging once in awhile.

Photo by Chara Odhner