Marriage Moats-Change

Published: Thu, 07/28/11

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

One of the ways we limit each other is to believe we cannot change. We can keep ourselves stuck, as well as the people we love.

"My husband never goes to parties."

"I can't figure out computers."

It can be helpful to frame those observations as current rather than predictive.

"Up until now my husband has chosen not to go to many social events."

"I have not learned how to use a computer yet."

The other day I heard of a person who is training for a marathon. He said this about himself.

Couch to 11 miles (8 minute mile/barefoot) in a little over 16 months... if I did it, anyone can do it!

That affects how I hear his achievement, seeing as I am still on the couch. The same day I heard of a couple who were in distress, whose response to the suggestion of offering each other a few minutes of appreciations was sarcasm.

"Us? Appreciate each other? Not a chance."

Then a scant month later they were going on an overnight get away together.

I notice that parents usually refrain from boxing in their growing children.

"Martha is eleven months old and cannot walk. I don't think she ever will learn."

"Charlie grabs all the toys when he goes to a friend's house. He will always be a selfish brat."

We can do ourselves a disservice as well, when we deny the possibility of change.

"I have fallen out of love with my husband. It is over."

"I cannot figure out how he thinks. I never will."

Considering the effort God goes to to surround us with constant growth in nature this is a surprising response. The only skies that never change are the ones in a photograph.

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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