Marriage Moats-Grrrrr

Published: Mon, 09/13/10

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I have heard it said that there are only four core emotions, and anger is not one of them.

Anger may just be a scary mask for a more fragile feeling, like sadness.

I am not sure who gets to decide such things, but I know that for years raising little kids I could not quite tease out my own knee jerk response when one of them was hurt. I got mad.

Why was that? A child runs to me in tears, having catapulted herself off the couch and landed in a pile of Lincoln logs. She is bruised and wants a hug, yet I feel compelled to deliver a stern lecture on the importance of safety and the avoidance of unnecessary risks.

Awareness of this ridiculous response was the first step toward changing it, though I must admit I am still not exactly Florence Nightingale.

I remember times when I would send my little boy to his room for a minor misdemeanor and he would say "I hate you!" I think his words were a thin veneer for "I want to be close to you. Being far away makes me sad."

Then there was the "You are late!" period in our matrimonial progression, or should I say regression. John would neglect to call and tell me where he was, and I went through a cycle that launched with anger, morphed into fear, shifted to a fantasy about my life as a widow with a litter of small children, and slid back to anger again. If he walked in during the livid part of the not so merry go round, my face said "Grrr!" but I suspect my heart was frozen by fear.

Why was it so impossible to just say, "I was terrified that you were dead! I LOVE YOU! I never want to lose you!"

I guess because, in terms of eternity, I am still just a little girl.

Photo by Andy Sullivan