Marriage Moats-Hold On
Published: Mon, 08/01/11
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage |
 I saw a photo of
two otters holding hands. They are asleep. What touches me is that they
knew that the connection would keep them from drifting apart while they
are not paying attention. Did they talk this over? Did they learn the
hard way one chilly morning when they woke up and could not find one
another?
Humans could learn from this. We are certainly
prone to drifting. Otters have water currents working against them,
but people have an entire culture. Take jobs for instance. One man whose
wife had an affair told me how easily it can happen. She worked
long hours with other men, when she was looking her best. Her coworkers certainly saw more of her than he did in a given
week, and the stretches of an evening shift are ripe for flirting. When she asked him to forgive her he made the stipulation that she quit that job. She refused. The marriage did not survive.
Then there is the way we dress. There is collective concern for protecting our skin from the sun's rays when we go to the beach, but there is apparently no regard for protecting men from all that skin. It seems unfair to both ramp up the current for pulling a man's thoughts away from his wife and then blame him for getting caught in the undertow. I have heard
couples who have ways of holding hands when they could be drifting. One
wife calls every morning that her husband is traveling on business, and
again each evening. My father had a simple rule not to stay in a home alone
with another woman. One time it came up as a traveling minister when an older lady in the congregation wanted him to visit her and he did not make an exception. As a young,
unmarried woman I was surprised, yet I remembered it. Another man has
his wife's picture come up on his computer whenever he opens it, to
keep her present in his thoughts.
I don't think it is reasonable to expect anyone to avoid falling asleep. But when we are awake it is a good thing to plan for ways to hold on.
Photo by Andy Sullivan
www.caringformarriage.org
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