To quell my hunger for strong leadership, I keep rewatching the Bartlet administration while I sew hospital garb. It soothes my rumpled spirits even as I smooth the fabric headed under the needle. 

 

After the president's multiple sclerosis flares up, his chief of staff Leo McGarry pushes him to play chess every week with a competent partner. I smiled to recall the episode when Jed gifts hand carved sets to his staff from a recent trip to India, where the game originated, and challenges both Toby and Sam to simultaneous games. The reason behind Leo's insistence is that one of the first indications of returning MS is reduced executive faculties. Meaning his game would suffer. 

 

Each week I watch a video called Off the Left Eye. There are two flavors. One is shorter and more studious, while the other is longer and peppered with both humor and clever graphics. This week I clicked on one of the first kind, and after it was finished realized that I had not retained a shred of information. None. 

 

I had heard the words, and knew their meaning. But it seemed that my own executive functioning has dimmed. The ability to cut and piece sheets into gowns still flowed. The capacity to comprehend abstract ideas did not. 

 

I have read that students who arrive to the classroom hungry, or anxious have more difficulty learning. I get it. While we at the Odhner compound are eating marvelously, given the extra attention relegated to cooking, there is the constant thrum of uncertainty wearing on us. 

 

Thankfully, in the absence of such mental prowess, there is no lack of space between my ears for another of life's most exquisite skills. Compassion.