A friend mentioned a tactic he and his wife use. When the timbre of verbal exchanges in their home becomes grating, they say two words.
"Name it."
Becoming conscious of the trigger for their conflict diminishes its power to control them.
"I have had a headache all morning."
"The stress of working online is worse than usual."
"The summer plans are falling apart."
It helps to raise themselves a rung above the frustration, almost as if they can separate themselves from it. Which it turns out they can. The problem still exists, but no longer has its tentacles around their legs, hobbling them.
In the fairy tale about a wiry, wily little man who threatens to steal a young queen's baby, the only thing between kidnapping and freedom is knowing his name.
"Henry? Charles? Samuel? Anthony?'
She frantically tries every name she can grasp at. On the last day the woman discovers the correct one.
"RUMPELSTILTSKIN!" she shouts. When she hurls it at him he is banished to the gloomy darkness, his power drained out like a bucket with a hole.
Then the queen was able to keep her baby.
When we identify the forces that threaten to enslave us, it gives us elbow room to push them away. Then we can keep our innocence, which is what we wanted all along.
