There is a segment of our population who cannot complain. They do not know how to criticize, show revenge or hurl insults.
It is not as if things always go their way. Most babies find at least some parts of life distressing. They harbor no guilt about letting their mothers know when they are upset or frightened. But extraneous negativity.... naah. When you finally do pick them up they will not keep crying just to punish you. Pain, hunger, and fear are worth howling about, but not revenge.
I find it interesting that all of us have experience living this way. Whether or not we remember, there was a time when we wasted no breath on pessimism. And it is not because infants are particularly hurried. They could fit it in if it were a priority.
I do not recall those early years of my own life, but I sure love my regular doses of contact with people who still operate under the belief that life is mostly great.
With a baby, sad is sad. With a complicated grown up like me, sad can be a combination of worry, disappointment, resentment, and jealousy. It is harder for me to untangle those feelings, and nearly impossible for John to. Sometimes, I cringe to admit, when John finally does do what I wanted, I still mope because he was so slow in getting around to it. Not so with babies.
Now let me not suggest that the crying that happens in early life is easy to deal with. It can wear a mom to the bone. But gradually, through trying to comfort nine babies, I began to shift from feeling like the tears were a reflection on me, and my failure as a mother, to seeing them as a window into how this small, hurting person was feeling. I did not always want to go through the window, or know how, but with my ego nudged a little to the side, it was possible.
Perhaps I am learning how to do it with John too. I may have begun with the unspoken thought that if John was happy, that meant I was a good wife. But I see inklings of a new thought. If John is happy... that means John is happy. And that is enough.
"Except you become like little children you will not enter the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 18:3
