It was only an exercise. And yet. 

 

Rehearsals happened twice a week as choir members readied for the Tableaux performances. The four voice ranges were gathered across the choir hall in concentric circles, albeit wobbly ones, around the conductor. His energy was our focal point as we went over intervals and dynamics. 

 

Then he told us to separate into four distinct groups, facing one another. Rather than looking at the backs of the other alto's heads, I saw faces. For the first time I gave attention to who was actually part of my tribe. As we sang the pieces we had been memorizing I could gaze into their eyes, and savor them. They too, had come to praise the newborn King. A surge of tenderness rose up as my awareness absorbed each woman. All of us are different, yet we chased the same notes.

 

Well, the twins beside me have the same DNA. 

 

It is easy to agree, or disagree with people you are loosely grouped with. But once you look more deeply, even for the length of a song, those divisions sink below what is more substantial. There is no word for what I saw, and felt in that moment. But I intend to hang on with all my might.