I wish it was either or. It would be simpler if I fit into one category, ideally the second, and could dispense with worries about naughtiness. 

 

But if I pay attention such tendencies show up in the same day. Sometimes the same slice of an hour. The other evening my thankfulness thermometer bobbled at the top. The twins, John and I were in the kitchen working to create the meal, and everyone was in a jovial mood. Music was playing over the speakers which added to the sense of camaraderie, and by the time the dishes were on the table I felt full. Food was an embellishment on what was a very satisfying feast of feelings. 

 

Then part way into dinner circumstances shifted in a confusing direction, and I was resentful. My body was still sitting at the table, but rebellious emotions were somewhere in left field. How was such a change so swift? It was but a few minutes before that I was replete with life's blessings. How could I swivel so abruptly?

 

There was a painting in our house while I was growing up. My uncle depicted a series of doors, pairs along the on ramp to eternity. Travelers could only lay eyes on the two right in front of them, impacting a decision. Having stepped through one threshold, he or she was given a second choice, then another. These sequential increments built upon each other, proceeding either to the clouds of heaven or the inferno of hell. 

 

There was no explanation. I simply stared at the images, and my ten year old mind absorbed what it could.