My father cured me of using the word "like" as punctuation back in high school. He did not shame me out of it, nor lure me with rewards. He simply offered information. 

 

At the dinner table if I were sprinkling the extraneous word in my conversation as if it were oregano on my pasta, he would hold up fingers. One sprung up each time I used it. Since our family knew how to count to thirty one on one hand, using base two, I could prattle on for awhile before noticing. When I realized what was happening he would smile one of his slow, knowing grins, as if I had been caught eating ice cream after bed time. 

 

That was all it took. Being aware gave me the freedom to choose. I am not sure choice is even an option if we are oblivious to our behaviors. 

 

John Gottman is a master of observing couples. He documents specific facial movements, like eye rolling, and negative comments such as criticism. Then he offers the data to people. It is up to them to decide if the status quo is acceptable. 

 

Years ago I was listening to a couple who were having trouble respecting boundaries. One would tell the other what they think, or how they feel, or what their intentions were. But such statements are presumptuous. I cannot speak with authority about someone else's emotions. Half the time I am ignorant of my own, until I pay close attention. I wished I could figure out a way to mirror back to them how they came across. 

 

Being aware is a good first step. But it rests squarely on the willingness to discover our missteps. I could be influenced by my father, because I knew he loved me. 

 

Even if I did say "like".