The other day I was waiting at a stop light. Although the reflex to glance at the opposing signal in an attempt to predict the pending change has mostly been extinguished, I sneaked a peak. It didn't help. Years ago, when I was younger, there were no municipal efforts to block the view from cross street drivers. Most of us eager for a swap in color turned our heads, and, unfortunately, some gunned it too soon. Hence the creative blinders that are now standard. I suppose from a safety perspective it is better this way.

 

A friend was talking to me about the unknowns in her future. Circumstances require a medley of adjustments, some of which she can control, others she cannot. Several times she reiterated the uncertainty. 

 

"I don't know how it will play out."

 

It seems like it was important to express it aloud. 

 

Looking back, or even across the intersection at some of the junctures in my own life, ignorance is a constant. Not necessarily in a bad way, just a one-step-at-a-time kind of pace. The transition for Benjamin from the safety of the school system, to a modified internship, to his present companionship happened almost in spite of me. At first I said no to the internship, until his teacher told me that was not wise. Sliding out of that program and into his present routine involved a confluence of factors that I had but loose strings on. 

 

When I took my present job as a member of the pastoral staff supporting marriage and family, the agreement had blinders in place. What did the position actually entail? I launched a conference, without really understanding how it would unfold. There were iterations over the thirteen events that happened each February until it made sense to go in a new direction. We created a newsletter, which matured over a twelve year run.

 

This spring will mark ten years of these daily messages. When they began I had no clear concept of how they would evolve, what I would write about, or who would read them. There is a question in my mind of how long to continue. But blinders are in place that prevent me from seeing the future. 

 

Perhaps from a heavenly perspective it is better this way. 

 

 

We are allowed to see divine providence from behind but not face to face. Emanuel Swedenborg, Divine Providence 175