I almost skipped it altogether. There was a couple of minutes left in the episode of West Wing I was rewatching for the third or fourth time. When Benjamin is keyed up he has trouble with anyone else watching a screen. To be more specific, the sound that accompanies such watching. Which is why I was wearing headphones.
Last night Ben got riled up just as John and I were trying to leave to meet my brother for dinner. I did not expect this, since I had given him much of my attention all day. I deserved for Ben to be good. That expectation always goes well.
This morning Benjamin was quite cheery, and invited me to play his favorite game. It has the same format as Scrabble but with numbers. Which are his first language. You cover the board with equations, which intersect and feed off of each other. But the thing was, I was still resentful about the evening before. The one where he was yelling. His negative outburst had intersected with my plans. But that was last night, and he had moved on. I hadn't.
I sighed and walked over to the coffee table. He was kind enough to get me a chair. Ben went first. He always does. He laid down 2 to the power of 3 equals 8. I stuffed my grumbling, and put down tiles beside his to form 64 = 8 x 8. We took turns, with him occasionally anticipating my needs and handing me a seven. Or an equal sign.
We filled the board to capacity, and he went off to dig up breakfast. I went back to my computer and noticed the remaining five minutes of my show. It seemed silly to resume watching for such a short time, but the headphones were handy so I did.
A young White House employee had transgressed confidentiality by leaking the medical files of the Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry. He had called her into his office after firing her. She was defensive. Leo asked what she had been thinking when she saw his records about treatment for alcoholism.
"My father drank."
Which didn't answer the question, but gave a shaft of light into her actions.
Leo spoke candidly about his addiction, and his powerlessness over it.
"I don't understand," she said softly.
"Hardly anybody does."
Leo surprised her, and probably the rest of his staff by giving her a second chance. She went back to her desk. I daresay she was a different kind of employee after that.
After I took off the earphones I heard Ben singing in the kitchen, and the clink of silverware as he organized the drawer. Maybe it is okay that some things are not equal. That I don't understand. Perhaps the real power comes from our willingness to give one another a second chance.
