I am not nor do I ever expect to be a lawyer. There were moments when I felt like I was up against a DA, holding the line with my kids about rules. Once a newly licensed driver wanted permission to take our car on a road trip. He hammered us with reasons why this was reasonable, almost mandatory for his social standing in high school. Being under prepared I propped up lame rebuttals while spreading peanut butter and changing diapers. Then he would retreat to his room to beef up the case. 

 

Later he came home from an evening with friends, in accordance with a teenager's time zone, at eleven thirty. As parents of babies and toddlers this was the middle of a much needed night's sleep. He launched into fresh arguments about why he should be able to borrow the car. John didn't even open his eyes as he ended the conversation with four words. 

 

"The tires are bald."

 

Twenty years later I am still unsure of whether it was precisely true or not, but it was a relief to have the conversation ended. The bedroom door closing behind our son sounded like a gavel. 

 

I don't know whether it matters to a lawyer whether his or her client is guilty. Probably they gather details and testimony to reinforce the desired outcome, ignoring any annoying facts that get in the way. 

 

Recently I overheard the accumulated charges against John racking up in my brain.

 

 

Point after poky point interrupted my thinking like a stream of red lights. 

 

"Stop where you are going and remember this transgression!" It started to gain momentum like so many trumped up charges. 

 

I went off to an event, which went well, and then climbed into the car to drive home. 

 

Silence. 

 

No pathetic rumble from the engine. Not a cough. In that moment when the car refused to turn over, critical thoughts about my husband switched to sweet favor. I knew he would drop everything to rescue me. Which he did. 

 

I blushed as the tower of his failings fell like Jenga blocks. Fortunately for all of us I never gave voice to those complaints. But I look forward to the time when I don't waste space in my brain.