I went out to breakfast with a long time friend. It is a busy week for her so I was grateful that she could fit me in. When she ordered her meal she asked for a substitution.

 

"Instead of hash browns or toast may I have grilled vegetables?" The waitress made a note of it. 

 

"I am avoiding carbs," she explained. 

 

She has lost weight in the past couple of years, and wants to keep it that way. No self pity about what she couldn't eat. Just making a choice about how she wants to live. 

 

The conversation never lagged in what turned out to be two hours. I was surprised how the morning slipped by. There were so many things to talk about.... our kids, our jobs, our deceased parents, our marriages. 

 

Things are not perfect for her. Relationships have their wobbles. Make that earthquakes. And yet she has a peace around her that defies description. She is not waiting for her circumstances to line up like margins on a page. In fact she has stopped giving away the keys to her own tranquility. 

 

As I listened it felt as if she had shed another kind of weight. Blame had no place at the table. Nor worry, even though there was material for such things. We are the same age, and our paths have been parallel. We were in high school together. We worked the same summer job. I was at her wedding. She was at mine. We had babies at the same time, then teenagers. Now as our adult kids are finding their paths we try to find that illusive balance of support without expecting them to make the same decisions we did. Because they haven't.

 

Sometimes I leave a visit with someone I care about promising myself that I will pray for them. What I may mean, though I don't say it, is that I pray for their lives to shift. Get easier. But this time I felt comfortable in the belief that she will face whatever is ahead with grace.