Marriage Moats- Climbing Out
Published: Sat, 06/29/19
| Climbing Out | Caring for Marriage |
 I cleaned my sewing room.
Read that again for emphasis.
I cleaned my sewing room!!
Let me explain.
This room was deplorable. It had fabric bins stacked four high. I would have piled them higher but the annoying ceiling stopped me. There were scattered pins, quilt tops, spools, batting, yardage, and scraps. The tables had mounds of cds, dvds, a printer, routers, hard drives, and a Medusa of wires, since it doubled as a techie space. There were hundred year old books, and enough dust to start our own personal
storm.
I was embarrassed. Where would I even begin to broach the mess?
That was a month and sixty hours ago. There were times I thought it could not be done. My asthma was kicking up in response to the dust, and the thermometer jacked up thirty degrees from the beginning to the end of June. Early on, I was feeling overwhelmed, and John came in to untangle the electronic jumble. I felt incredibly grateful. Zack rescued me from the drums and video games. Thank you. The twins wiped the
window sills, and sorted the mountain of thread spools into baskets of color. Mwwwah.
There were bunches of things exiled to the trash, and others relocated to the thrift store. Only the truly useful and lovely fabric made the cut.
It hardly qualified as a sewing room last April. The chaos was completely incompatible with quilting. I did not really know how to refer to it... computer room... tv room... family room. None of those names worked very well because of the disorder.
Yet here I sit, in a sunny, airy, welcoming space. The fabric is neatly displayed in rainbow order, with velvets, silks, and prints on their own shelves. It is easy, even fun to find the buttons, and ribbons. My rulers are lined up, ready to serve me. Five eager sewing machines are perched with their own attending pin cushions and scissors, awaiting little kids. Six weeks ago I cringed to have anyone see it. Now I would be tickled to
serve you tea while we chat and piece blocks. Instead of avoiding the room, we all keep finding reasons to lounge there, even when we have no intention of turning on the Bernina.
It was a long, uphill climb to harness the potential of this room. Sixty hours of hard breathing, sweaty work takes a toll. But what lays before me? If I keep up with respecting the organizational plan, it could serve me and my students for years.
It would not have happened by accident. The crux was my decision, and the vision of a beautiful place to sew.
We are trying to help a couple in distress. There is chaos, lost trust, and pain. One of them doubts whether the effort is even worth it. They may struggle with what to call themselves. Partners? Co parents? Husband and wife? Strangers? Shame keeps them paralyzed.
Yet I can already see ways to bring their relationship back to a place where they can both breathe again. In my heart I believe that a trifling sixty hours are all that bar the way between isolation and connection. Sorting out the feelings, and taking out the junk are hard, but possible. John and I stand ready to roll up our sleeves too. We know of good rules that keep people on their own side of the line.
What do they stand to gain? They could have a home that they feel welcome in, where lovely things happen... one they are pleased to share with their children and friends.
A healthy relationship will not happen by accident. The crux is their decision, and the vision of a beautiful place to love.
Love,
Lori Photo by Chara Smith
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