A friend was talking about things in his past that can be called painful. I would say "only be called painful", except that he chooses not to. He certainly has just cause for resentment, and rage. His childhood was darkened by abuse from an older man who had himself been wounded. Not only had the perpetrator been molested himself as a child, he landed in a pile of dead bodies in WWll with a toe tag. He was the only one in three squadrons to make it out alive.

 

The person talking did not label the backstory as excuses. But they were reasons. Tragic events that rendered a man so broken that he would harm a little boy.

 

"Being exposed to pornography and sex made it so that I was not innocent. Even now, as an adult, I am not sure what innocence even means."

 

He had told his mother, but she felt helpless to stop it.

 

We sat quietly. Then John spoke.

 

"Innocence means not wanting to hurt anyone."

 

I was deeply moved by the absence of any desire to hurt the person who had changed the course of his life. In fact, and I can hardly believe it, he wished him well.

 

I did not. Even though I sat silently there was anger churning inside me, for a man that I will never meet who is now dead. Yet the person across from me was peaceful. The abuser had no power over him anymore.

 

"I decided to reframe the experience. Look for how it is useful for me. As a young child and through my early thirties, I ran. Ran to get away. As a teenager, I ran up to 70 miles a week. Sometimes more. I ran hard."

 

I waited.

 

”The way I choose to see it, the abuse led to running, the running led to knee injury and pain, and the pain led me to yoga and bodywork, where I found healing for my knees, as well as a lifelong passion and career, (though I grew up believing yoga was a weird religion practiced by people who worshiped cows). The yoga and bodywork, in conjunction with working on my mental/emotional perspective and framework also helped me to heal on deeper levels.  The Option Process® Dialogue led me to see this train of events and let go of judgments about my past, moving into a place of peace, love and happiness with my whole life. I now see that I am doing the best I know how to do, based on my current beliefs, and that I have always been doing that. I believe that everyone is doing that, as well. Because of my experiences and how I have reframed my past, I can be present with others’ experiences, no matter how difficult or painful.”

 

Here was a man who could have gathered up the wrongdoings of others like armor, and used them to justify flailing his revenge.

 

Yet he has no desire to hurt anyone. Which sounds like innocence to me .