Marriage Moats-The Real Tomato

Published: Sat, 05/11/19

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Which one is real? They look like conjoined twins, but that is an illusion.

There are disparate feelings that fly around our house that pretend to be conjoined too. Irritation and affection, dissatisfaction and admiration, criticism and love.

Once I was in church, pondering about which of my character flaws needed ousting. The service that day included holy supper, or communion, and I wanted to pray for help in a specific area of my life. I narrowed down my petition to the tendency to criticize John. That was a good one. No more flak.

John happened to be the minister on chancel and was deep in thought as he prepared the bread and wine. With reverence in every gesture, he brought the plate of wafers to my row of fellow worshipers. I noticed as he got closer that his collar was unbuttoned. I immediately flipped modes to loving yet scrutinizing wife, and launched a subliminal effort to send covert messages to him about the untidiness of his neck. He needed to know this, as the awry state of his garment was surely diminishing the sphere of holiness for the entire congregation. I wanted to protect him from this blemish. I tried pointing and clearing my throat, but he was in another realm completely, one oblivious to personal grooming.

"Isn't there a mirror in the vestry? I need to prompt him to check his appearance before he comes out," I thought. "Why won't he look at me? I am his wife!"

Then the imaginary tomato disappeared. I was not being loving. I was criticizing him.

The rest of the service was nourishing in a way that is with me still, years later. Funny, but the pretend tomato never tasted this good.

Love,
Lori

Photo by Chara Smith