Ok, ok, I am still reading that book. The one that offers big results for minor changes. While I admit to having been skeptical at the outset,  I have converted. The advice the author offers is worth the price. I paid eleven bucks. The cost of  a sandwich and drink at my favorite bakery.

 

The chapter du jour is about just that. Spending time, and when you need to, a few dollars to sit across the salt shaker from the person you love. One of the stories was from a woman who realized that she was averaging five hours a day with her daughters, chauffeuring, eating, dressing, talking, listening, and when she looked honestly had to admit the time given to her husband was measured in minutes. And not that many. 

 

It resonated with what a friend told me. She decided to wake up and smell the coffee, or at least offer him a cup. Instead of hanging out in separate rooms, she  ditched her favorite chair to go sit by him. Whether or not they talked, they were breathing the same air. When I am nearby, John is more likely to share an interesting picture on Reddit, than if I am in the sewing room twenty feet away.

 

When John and I were newlyweds we went shopping together. Inefficient, but there you have it. The stuff of chic flicks. Then children came and we resorted to divide and conquer. But now that the kids are as tall as us, we can choose to do errands together. 

 

The portion of couples who both describe themselves as very happy have regular routines that involve connection. Morning chats by the bird feeder. Driving in one car instead of separately. Attending a class they enjoy, or exploring a hobby. It probably doesn't count but I have a lingering fondness for a time when the twins were babies. I was exhausted, and instead of me taking them downstairs in the morning with one in each arm John came with me. We changed them side by side. Of all the diapers I pinned in twenty some years, that memory lingers. 

 

It is easy to reverse the two. Think that you will choose to spend hours together after your affection kicks in. But making the effort to be in sync can be the catalyst for good feelings.