There are a bunch of women who are making squares for a quilt. I sent around the written instructions, which details the cutting lines, sequence for seams and what kind of fabric to use. There are a lot of numbers, including fractions. One sentence in particular felt like a puzzle, when in real time it only takes thirty seconds to complete.
"Sew the second rectangle to one short side of your specialty triangle, right sides together, and the first rectangle/square unit to the other short side of the specialty triangle, right sides together."
One woman felt stumped.
"Can you please give me a picture to look at?"
I sent her a photograph of a finished block. That calmed her down considerably.
Being able to see how the triangles and rectangles combine went a long way toward being able to reproduce one.
Lectures about how to communicate can feel overwhelming.
"Don't stonewall, or interrupt. Have a soft start up, without any 'you' statements. Listen and mirror back, including affirmations and positive comments. Avoid defensiveness, and whatever you do don't criticize."
It's enough to strike a loquacious person dumb.
There are
videos by John and Julie Gottman where we can observe skillful ways to both express ourselves and listen. They have worked for many years on keeping criticism and defensiveness out of their dialogues.
We went out with a couple who have weathered a few storms. Raising kids, illnesses, disappointments, rocky job changes have all played into their decades together. Yet the softness in her eyes as she looked at him, the way he glanced to her for reassurance about details of his story, the quiet way she slipped her hand over his for the blessing were habits they have collected over time and tears. My words here fail to convey the sweetness that is theirs.
Spending time with a seasoned relationship is a chance to learn A husband and wife, whose interactions have been smoothed over time like a hand buffed oak door, is a beautiful thing to witness. Plus it opens the way to marvelous things.
