John and I had our reservations about the internship program Ben was invited to be part of. Not because of the opportunity, but because we were unsure whether he could hold it together in a working environment. The first few months went by without incident, and we dared to exhale. A couple more as well with only a few calls from his supervisor reporting minor noise in a public setting. We began to believe it was possible.
But yesterday was bad. When he arrived home he mumbled about having misplaced his phone. He was not antsy so I figured he had found it. Then the call came. Apparently he had left his phone and badge in the car. He has been told that these are his responsibility and must have them each day. Now he was in trouble. So he preempted his fate. By screaming at the supervisor.
"You need to call transportation and make them come back NOW!!!" This was over the line. Way over. She replied calmly that she does not follow requests made in that tone, and he tried again, down a few decibels. She sent him downstairs to wait for the driver, and he got in the elevator with another woman. He growled at her. Slammed one fist into the other. Which is probably grounds for a lawsuit.
At this point in the conversation I was shaking, and handed the phone to John, whom we all know does not fall apart in the jaws of disaster. Especially one that happened eight hours ago. Me on the other hand was near cardiac arrest last month when the twins had a flat tire one block from our house.
The next morning I set a pretty card next to his plate.
"For an apology."
He wrote that he was sorry for yelling, and that it had been the worstest day of his life.
"Will you forgive me?" he added in his curly penmanship.
I don't know if this is the beginning of the end. There is little tolerance for outbursts in his department.
Ironically, I watched a short clip the other day of a congresswoman letting her fury loose on another politician. She is not in any danger of losing her position because of it. On the contrary, she is being applauded for her indignation.
It is perplexing, trying to tease out Benjamin's lack of social graces, with his penchant for the same irrational feelings that plague all of us.
He is in my prayers today. He is in my prayers.
