The other day I was driving through hectic traffic and found myself marveling at the intricate flow of cars. There are enough accidents to keep my insurance agency in business, but when I think of the potential for crashes, there are remarkably few. I myself have had three accidents in thirty five years. That is a lot of safe arrivals.
We have two new drivers, and last year spent time going over rules like stop sign sequence, not passing across a double yellow line, and the distance between cars at varying speeds.
There are good rules. They make it less risky to get where you need to be, without everyone climbing out of their cars at every intersection and playing stones, paper, scissors to see who goes first. It keeps bodies intact, even when people are ticked off and late.
Most of us have been at a red light at two a.m. and wondered about the moral significance of waiting, when there is not a vehicle in sight and no shred of possibility for a collision. But the practice does keep us honest, and the habit helps when we are bumper deep in rush hour traffic and the kids are bickering in the back seat.
Families can make rules too. One woman told me that they made an agreement early on not to swear or call each other names. The rule is easy to obey on clear days, when everyone feels friendly. But the rule takes on new significance when the temperatures go up and tongues start wagging. That is the time when people are more likely to get hurt, and the practice, well worn, can keep people safely in their own lanes.
A husband told me that the first fifteen minutes when they are together again in the evening are off limits for complaining or problem solving. It is just a welcome home period. Smiles and kisses are encouraged. To do lists and you-are-lates are not.
Then there was a couple who were constantly in conflict over him being late. They went to a therapist who said, "I can solve this."
The husband retorted, "No you can't. I am a very busy man and there are many times when I will not be on time. You cannot change me."
The wife concurred. "He has been this way for our whole marriage and it infuriates me."
The therapist smiled and explained the new rules.
"For every ten minutes you keep your wife waiting, you will pay her ten dollars. If she is waiting outside, it is doubled, and if it is bad weather, tripled."
She is still not sure whether the resolution came from the husband becoming timely, or his wife enjoying the increased spending money.
