Marriage Moats-Expecting

Published: Mon, 12/24/18

Expecting

Caring for Marriage

- written in 2001

You wouldn't know it to hear me speak. There will be no hard evidence laced between these words. If you hadn't seen me in awhile you wouldn't suspect. But the reality is, I'm pregnant.

Two hearts are beating beneath my own, weaving their magic through me, silent and unseen. They are a paired gift dropped from heaven on a family so distracted by a transcontinental move, construction, and life's incessant clamor it took a while to notice. It can be easy to miss a message no louder than a heartbeat if you never stop jabbering. But they are coming, bringing with them the fresh scent of heaven and the dewy kisses of angels on their cheeks.

I might not know it to hear you talk. There will be no announcement in your Christmas card. When I look at you there will be no proof to point at, but the reality is, you're pregnant.

Something too fragile for the outside world is nestled deep inside you, working its alchemy on your soul. In the relentless noise of your routine, crowded with lists and deadlines, it can be hard to hear. If you aren't actually listening for signs of new life within you it's easily missed. Perhaps it is a baby hope, or an embryonic effort. Something miraculous and new is growing within you, tapping with tiny fingers on your spirit.

The arrival of our twins will not be easy. My amnesia from 7 past births is not so complete as to leave me expecting no pain. There will be work, doubt and the unsinkable fear. Yet somehow, anything less than labor would seem like an inadequate price to pay for a treasure as exquisite as these babies.

Most likely the pending miracle in your life lies across a threshold of anxiety. Maybe if you had your druthers you would skip the uncertainty looming between you and your goal. Yet truthfully, wouldn't that feel like cheating? Isn't an awesome dream more honestly earned by sweat and stamina?

The coming of Christ was subtle. Most people were so absorbed in their own affairs they didn't notice. To catch sight of a star, however marvelous, you need to be looking up, and evidently the majority of the population weren't. To hear the beckoning of the angels in the dark, you need to first silence your own diatribe long enough to listen. Apparently not many did.

The Lord's entrance into our world included emotions we often spin our wheels trying futilely to avoid... anguish, uncertainty, and fear. Shepherds trembled, mothers wept, wise men plodded weary miles, all in response to what may have felt like a chaotic series of events.

Yet could anyone begrudge that bargain cost for the greatest gift in history? To have God with us we should stand ready to tremble, to weep, to plod. Then we might feel some fraction of worthiness to welcome the Prince of Peace into our throbbing hearts.

Love,
Lori

photo by Chara Smith