Marriage Moats-Irresistible

Published: Tue, 10/23/18

Irresistible

Caring for Marriage

It looks like it is easy to love this baby. She doesn't have to keep up her end of the conversation, or do anything fascinating, or offer to chip in for her share of lunch for people around her to think she is scrumptious company. Even introverted adults will stretch their facial muscles, emit purring sounds and play peek a boo to coax a smile from a nine month old. Outlandish behaviors like puking are routinely overlooked.

I have witnessed professional businessmen in three piece suits peel off all reticence when their baby enters the room. A minute earlier they were speaking to clients in sentences with four syllable adjectives and prepositional phrases, but as soon as their infant appears they are reduced to high pitched baby talk.

It is an interesting contrast, how little babies have to perform for how much we adore them.

Why do we love them?

This woman with the scrunched up face is approximately 64 times as old as the baby she wants to impress. That much distance enables her to be lavish with forgiveness of minor transgressions like an inability to walk, or low performance in academics. If I ask her why she thinks this baby is irresistible, her response is likely to be vague. I don't think the reaction even travels through her frontal cortex, but simply goes from her heart to her mouth.

I remember times when I was bleary eyed from lack of continuous sleep, carrying my twins into the store, and a complete stranger would interrupt my errand to pour attention on the girls. Often, someone would simply want to touch their fuzzy heads. He would explain that his sisters were twins, or he was a twin, or his second cousin's niece's next door neighbor just had twins....and I would be yanked back from exhaustion into the reality that these little girls are incredibly precious. Thank you, stranger, for the wake up call.

Your spouse, present or future, is somebody's baby. He or she is lovable and worthy of kisses, regardless of any ability to keep up the conversation or pay for lunch. Angels, the ones whose perspective is blessed by more longevity than mine, are more lavish with forgiveness of mistakes than I sometimes manage to be. If I could find a way to ask them why they think my husband is so cute, I have a feeling the answer would be vague.

Sometimes in the midst of mundane life with John, I try to squint my eyes and look for the angels, hovering around him in complete devotion. I picture them trying to coax a smile from him on a hard day, eager to soften his worries, perhaps just wanting to touch him.

I wonder if they want me to help.

Angels observe what is good in other people, and if they see anything evil and false, they excuse it, and if they can, try to amend it in them. They use all their might to excuse it and put a good interpretation on their actions.

-Emanuel Swedenborg, Secrets of Heaven 1079

Photo by Jenny Stein