In an effort to get high school students to read over the summer, the faculty offered reading groups. I put forth the title For Young Women Only, hoping to spark discussion about healthy relationships. A dozen girls and one boy signed up for mine. 

As is predictable, not all kids read the book, but that did not get in the way of them having opinions. I began with the parable of the elephant and the six blind people, which not all of them were familiar with. For me the book has been an invitation to better understand a different angle of the human experience. It helps me to listen to my husband, brother, and sons, and authors that ask a lot of questions. 

Discussion was lively as we plunged into chapters about love and respect, modesty, and the thin veneer of male bravado. I tried to preface it by saying these ideas were created out of surveys. While the majority of boys and men who answered prefer respect over being loved, there are others who don't. We talked about how difficult it if for some males to express, or in some cases be aware of, their emotions. 

"Anyone see The Incredibles? Do you know why Syndrome was so motivated to destroy Mr. Incredible?" 

"Because he told him to go home. He didn't take the kid seriously." 

"Right. Syndrome craved respect," I said. 

They brought up other movies where men each wanted their wife to believe in them. The authors try to articulate how vulnerable boys are both to teasing, and feeling inadequate. This is often covered over by a thick layer of macho. 

The emotions around how girls dress got pretty feisty. I found it interesting that the one person who seemed least forgiving of the male mindset was the male. 

One of the things that occurred to me was that maybe I was asking too much. Some of them are after all only barely in their teens. Understanding another person's perspective maybe comes with time. They are still figuring out their own. 

Then I realized that they had new viewpoints to offer me. Some are from other countries. Others are struggling with contentious parents. Several live in urban settings, and all are trying to navigate the technology and cultural norms of 2018.

I have done none of those. 

Maybe they know a side of the elephant that I have never seen. That could be fun.