A dozen years ago John and I applied for a federal grant. In those days we were attending the annual Smart Marriage Conferences, and were part of an initiative to strengthen  families in our communities. I studied the guidelines, and took webinars, ending up with an eighty page document with five chapters, measurable goals based on research, and a string of references. 

We were not chosen. The six figure grants went to people across the country who were more qualified than us, and had a better understanding of how to orchestrate an ambitious program. But the process was very valuable to me, as I paid attention to why someone with deep pockets would finance a project. In the months I spent dreaming about what a quarter of a million dollars could do to fortify marriages, new ideas came into play.

One of the components that was novel to me was the difference between a one time blast and a sustainable change. The government was less interested in giving a blitz of help than creating a lasting shift. Like the fishing analogy we all learned back when we were asking our dads for a freebie and he wanted us to learn resourcefulness instead. The concept has stayed with me.

This week a friend mentioned that his son went fishing on vacation for ten hours at a stretch. No hand outs there. He went on to reflect about the urge to grant another son's wish for a better bike, rather than waiting for him to earn it. 

I sometimes wonder if God is tempted to just fix our lives, rather than hold back and let us grow stronger. I know my prayers tend toward the former. 

While we still host evenings where couples can drop off their kids and a crew will feed and take care of them for three hours, the reality is we can't pull that off more than a few times a year. For a couple to make their relationship a priority, they need to invest in something more regular. 

What amazes me these years later, is how much can happen without a hundred grand.