Marriage Moats-Only Details

Published: Fri, 01/25/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I subbed in the eighth grade last week. They had a test scheduled for geography, and were madly cramming during snack. The test was not one I could have passed myself, being about South America and its topography. I watched their frenzy with compassion.

Fear not, little ones. It is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Luke 12

I wanted to reassure them that the details of the quiz don't matter. They will be forgotten in a week or a year, crowded out by other minutiae about geometry or Poe. But that would not have furthered the teacher's wishes. Yet... they don't. They are merely trivia tossed in the laps of these young girls, aerobics for their capacity to learn. It is inconsequential what they learn about.

Perhaps it is like the barriers horses strive to clear. Jumping is the skill, including the ability to approach with an even stride, take off with a powerful trajectory and land with minimal strain. Whether the fence is stone, or split rails or boxwood matters not a whit. The wall is simply a marker. You can learn to leap over empty space, but it's harder.

These young girls were hoodwinked into believing that the crucial information lay on the paper, inscribed in ink on a multiple choice test. But the real success lay in their effort to try.

Married couples face tests of all kinds, disguised as problems. The leaky windows in winter, the daughter who is becoming rebellious, the uncertainty at work, the price of orthodontia are all hurdles to be overcome. Yet the actual windows and braces are smaller than small, in the grand scheme. In another household the couple will face struggles with different names. Yet for all of them, the only aspect that endures is the willingness to work in partnership.

Whether they decide to replace the windows or wear coats indoors the prize goes to the couple who learns to buddy up. I suppose it is possible to strengthen your marriage without actual impediments, but it's harder.

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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