Marriage Moats-Huh?

Published: Sat, 01/05/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Last month I did a small sewing job. The person who asked me had given me a brief note explaining the details. Being someone who breezes over most pattern instructions I only glanced at it. Half way through the dress I hit a question. I called my friend, and she explained what she wanted. I continued without a problem. When I went to pack up the dress and scraps I reread the note she had given me. Oops. It concisely answered the question I had bothered her about. So much for paying attention.

I read an article that looks at some of the pitfalls in listening habits that weaken communication. While it is comforting to know how endemic poor listening is, it is also discouraging to realize what a loss it represents.

My father made listening a priority. He taught teenagers about reflective skills, and kept it snappy. He taught me and my siblings mirroring before we realized we were part of his graduate training. Our family still had enough foibles to estrange our share of neighbors and relatives, but talking was non negotiable.

This has not dovetailed seamlessly for my adult life, but it has been a distinct advantage. Some days I hear John well, and it is an occasion for celebration. There are others when he puts the world on pause and gives me his full attention.

I may not be able to always clamber across my emotions to see life from John's vantage point, but at least I believe his side is worth exploring.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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