Marriage Moats-Not About Me

Published: Fri, 01/04/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

It was on the schedule so we went. Last week, when John and I were still lukewarm about sitting next to each other, we met with a younger couple for coffee. It comes in handy when the presence of other people lures us out of a funk. As they walked into the coffee shop we greeted them warmly. It was easy to be nice to them. The hard part was being nice to each other. But I was grateful for the leg up to get out of my own ditch of self absorption. Turns out there was a whole universe outside of my own dirt walls.

It felt good to hear their story which was more interesting than the one I was currently starring in. We chatted about the holidays, and the coming year. Each of us did Appreciations of our partner, which is a swell lubricant when your relationship is rusty. I felt relieved that this was one exercise I have practiced plenty. It was like riding a bicycle after twenty years. It comes back.

After an hour of chai and frothy lattes, I could reach under the table to hold John's hand. My anger had cooled like the coffee in our mugs.

Sometimes it makes sense to just plunk it on the calendar.

Photo by Jenny Stein

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