Marriage Moats-Visible

Published: Thu, 01/03/13

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

There was a rumbling discontent running through me all week. I tried to dodge it, or rationalize my way out of it. But it wouldn't go away any more than the growing pile of laundry would shake itself clean. I was disappointed with John, and still more disappointed that we could not talk about it.

My friend invited me to lunch, and I grabbed the chance to get the ricocheting thoughts outside of my head, even though I felt sure she would find me as petty as I had labeled myself. I warned her before I got in the car.

"I am a jerk. You may want to change your mind about being with me."

"Get in, hon."

I whined, and complained. Unable to sort mid sentence I dumped all the emotions and disappointments at her feet. She nodded.

"Welcome to my world."

How could this be? Instead of scoffing, she accepted my experience as real. I felt seen. Suddenly it seemed as if the pain was not as much proof of my inadequacy, as a reaction to an unmet need. The internal yammering stopped. In the presence of this wise and compassionate person, I felt understood. That was enough.

"I think we all want to be visible, and there is an unbearable ache when we aren't." She told me stories that had different names and places, with the same resounding desire to be recognized.

She nailed it. The turmoil was less about the original scenario than the vacuum of not being seen. Then I remembered. This yearning to be seen did not originate with me.

Conjunction with an invisible God is like the eye's grasp of the universe, whose end is beyond its sight; or like vision in mid-ocean, which falls only on air and water, and completely fades away. But conjunction with a visible God is like seeing a man in the air or on the water stretching forth his hands and inviting all to his arms.
True Christianity 787

Photo by Rhys Asplundh

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