Marriage Moats-Sophomore Girls

Published: Thu, 12/20/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Today John and I had the pleasure of speaking with a room full of sophomore girls about love languages. They had wonderful stories about what their love languages are, and memories of when they felt swathed in affection.

"I love when my mom makes me snickerdoodle cookies."

"I love when my whole family hangs out together."

"Once my aunt said I was as cute as a flower."

They were also articulate about ways they offer love to other people.

"My dad loves when we play video games together. It puts him in a great mood."

"My dad loves to snuggle on the couch, or get a back rub."

"Sometimes my mom invites me to go shopping with her, just to be together. It's cute."

It was a delightful hour, plopped in the center of pre Christmas stress. It was also a blessing to work with John, as a reprieve to the conflict we are entangled in, involving changing Benjamin's educational trajectory. I keep breaking the rules I know by heart, like not bringing up volatile topics just as he is bolting out the door to give chapel. But when is the perfect time to talk supposed to show up? Probably not when we are taking out a younger couple to invite them to try mentoring. Neither does it fit in the moment of parental hand off when he walks in the door as I am leaving. I suppose we could thrash it out via text, or over pancakes, or between verses when we are song leaders this Sunday in church.

But for an hour today we worked as a team, on something we both care about. The familiar wove us together despite the unfinished conversations and uncertainty about the future.

Even anxiety can respond to the pause button.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

you can support us at