Marriage Moats-Fight Fair

Published: Wed, 12/12/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I read an article about healthy guidelines for arguing. It is a handy set of parameters for containing big feelings.

Set a timer
Remove distractions
Hold hands
Focus on the present
No name calling
Take turns
Focus on solutions
Stop if you get angry

I can't drum up anything to argue with John about right now but I sure wish I could just so I could try it. I feel like a kid who got ice skates for Christmas and it is an unseasonable fifty degrees outside.

It is not difficult to recall times I have broken those rules, like the time I asked him to stay home from the barbershop weekend he was looking forward to just as he was headed out the door for a meeting. It did not go well. Was I really expecting him to turn on a dime, smile and chirp, "Sure honey!"?

Or the familiar set up of me sitting on the couch with an assortment of children prone to interruptions while he paced through the living room/dining room like a caged animal with his coat on.

"John, I think we need to talk about the heating bill. And the broken washing machine. Yes, Hope, you can have another cookie. Benjamin, stop moaning. This winter has just started and we have already spent enough to fly to Jamaica, where it is considerably warmer than it is here I might add. No, Aurelle three is enough. Are you listening??"

The article would have helped John in our earlier years as well. He had a tendency to bring up tough subjects at 10 pm when I was nursing the baby and my collective brain cells would not fill a sippy cup.

I guess it is better late than never. Although in a few years we will be so forgetful there will be no fodder for disagreements anyway.

Photo by Photobooththing.com

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