Marriage Moats-Brain Tumor

Published: Mon, 12/10/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

A friend's spouse found out last week that the she had a brain tumor the size of a walnut. Her entire life veered sharply to the left. Together they sought out surgeons and medical care that could help them rid her brain of the invading threat. Within days she was under the scalpel, undergoing precise surgery to remove the insulting growth. He weathered the agonizing wait with a host of friends in a cramped room while his wife of a dozen years was lowered into an artificial sleep, her brown hair shaved and her skull exposed. An eternity later, before he had even taken off his scrubs, the physician used the words "flying colors". Now she is under the watchful eyes of expert doctors and ICU nurses as she recovers, and faces weeks of chemotherapy.

I wonder how the treatment of cancer in 2012 contrasts with the standard of care thirty years ago. Drugs and therapies have made enormous strides in the outcomes of deadly diseases.

This fall we met with a couple who are dealing with another strain of cancer. An addiction has grabbed hold of their marriage and sucked life out of it like a third world parasite. I am grateful that they have reached out for help. Suffering behind closed doors drops your chances for healing like an anvil. But when you can cross the terrifying threshold of admitting that you are powerless the transformation begins.

I call it a transformation, as if a mere fourteen letters is sufficient. It is like trying to cram a summer sunset over the Grand Canyon into a 3x5 glossy print.

"Oh, it is gorgeous!" I say to the friend who hiked to the bottom and back.

"It was incredible," he politely says. What he wants to say is "You have no idea..."

Wrestling with cancer or addiction is a fight for your life. In God's mercy, the treatment strategies for addictions and diseases have improved since the days of lobotomies and leper colonies. Twelve step meetings are available around every corner for the price of humility.

Then one day you will click a photo of the two of you, having made it to the bottom of the deepest hole of your earthly life and back.

"You look great!" a friend smles.

"You have no idea..."

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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