Marriage Moats- Make a Stand

Published: Sun, 11/04/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Years ago I was at a church camp where the women collaborated to create a ceremony for the young girls. Preparations were a bit vague as we met on the fly after dinner, then dispersed to put younger kids to bed. By nine o'clock we gathered in the Rec Hall, women arriving quietly, unsure of what to expect. I provided the music, and two others had created a lovely alter, strewn with wild daisies and votive candles. The mother who had a plan spoke.

"As a young woman you will have many things you care about. Different causes will tug for your attention. Tonight we invite you to take a stand. Choose something that you carry close to your heart and when you enter the circle of candles, proclaim it for all to hear."

It sounded intriguing. What would I say? What would my daughters say? One by one, women and daughters took their place in the center of the room. Some of the voices were tentative, like a seagull hovering over the shoreline, scouting for a safe place to rest.

"I make a stand for honesty!" a young girl sprang into the circle, surprising us with her sheer volume.

"I make a stand for protecting the earth!" my niece shouted with a flourish of her shimmery hair.

"I make a stand for not bullying." A shy girl stepped over the tiny candles, then stomped her feet and wrinkled her eyebrows for emphasis.

Mothers took turns too.

"I make a stand for innocence," one woman crooned quietly, her baby asleep in a sling. There was a collective sigh, like at the end of a chick flick. Her baby stirred, no doubt from the adoration radiating from all directions.

"I stand for meaningful worship." There followed a soft hush.

"I stand for laughter!" A redhead danced into the circle, popping the bubble of solemnity. Everyone giggled.

When there was a lull I stepped into the center. "I make a stand for marriage." I spoke gently, not wanting to grind on the broken limbs of families for whom the dream had laid down. The words resonated within me, like the harmonics on a guitar string.

I doubt if anyone remembers my Declaration of Intention. It matters not. But I recall the moment I made a stand for marriage.

That moment recalibrated the trajectory of my life. There are enough forces yanking on me from every side, to keep me spinning as wildly as an AWOL hubcap. But the gravity of Marriage centers me like a gyroscope. John tells me that a gyroscope can maintain its direction under changing circumstances, such as an airplane or a space craft.

I am grateful for guidance.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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