Marriage Moats-For My Kids

Published: Fri, 11/02/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

Last month I went out with a friend whose marriage has been, shall we say, tentative. She had one foot out the door and thought often about her exit strategy. We have talked off and on for ten years, and I have prayed for her in the darkness of my bedroom, wishing for light to come their way.

I was not sure what she would say over sushi. But she decided to stay. Things are better between them, and she has accepted her marriage without constantly expecting it to change. The resentment has lost its grip, and there is warmth again. Not spine tingling romance mind you, but companionship.

I prayed again, with thanks this time. Thanks for the family that will not implode, the teenagers whose weekends will not be truncated by visitation.

Not all marriages make it through the turmoil. You may have noticed this. But what shines most for me is her reason.

"My sons never knew I was unhappy but I think my daughter did. I believed that if I divorced their father it would crush their whole world."

Self interest can get you pretty far. It is the fuel pack for small business, and 4.0s aplenty. It can turn a moderate employee into a driven one. Salaries, promotions, and popularity can make people reach the top rung instead of the middle one.

But there emerges an entirely new dimension when we let altruism rule the day.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

you can support us at