Marriage Moats- New Direction

Published: Wed, 10/10/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I was chatting with a friend over muffins and tea. I whined to her about a relationship I have struggled with. She listened for awhile, teasing out what I can change and what I can't. Then she asked a simple question.

"What do you think is her love language?" she wondered.

I was yanked out of my self pity like a flailing swimmer plucked out of the deep end. It had not occurred to me to think about what our relationship is like for her. I blushed at my own egocentricity.

All of the brain cells that had previously been tasked with justifying my annoyance were abruptly redirected.

Acts of service? Hmm.

Gifts? I did a mental review of past exchanges.

Words of affirmation? Do I even offer them enough to get a response?

Quality time? Maybe.

Touch? I replayed past tapes in my head for physical contact.

While I have not yet answered the question, I have interrupted the relentless and fruitless loop of complaining in my head. I am actually looking forward to the next time I see her, with a new purpose.

Feeling the joy of another as joy in oneself, that is loving.

-Emanuel Swedenborg

Photo by Andy Sullivan

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