Marriage Moats-IEP

Published: Thu, 09/20/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

It is that time again. I meet with my son's teachers, therapists, and specialists to review and renew his IEP. There is a pea soup of feelings swirling around these meetings. It is peopled by teachers wary of demanding parents, helicopter moms who read every syllable of the fine print, therapists eager to maximize student progress, school board members trying to whittle down the escalating costs. Now that Benjamin is fourteen, even he is invited to the party.

I am often caught off guard by the reminder of where we were twelve months ago. While Benjamin is not prepping for the SATs he is marching along on his own trajectory. If I did not have a written document to remind me of recent limitations I would probably forget to be glad. As it is, I feel like having a parade.

Marriages have not yet adopted goal setting. What would happen if they did? Parents, friends, ministers, mentors and children could craft a set of objectives with measurable benchmarks.

"The hour before leaving the house will be calm. Lori and John will have a ratio of three positive comments to every negative one. Four days a week there will be kissing."

"For two hours every weekend there will be no screens allowed. People will talk to each other, or if an activity is planned, they will follow through."

"There will be an ongoing list of gratitude on the counter. Each person will add at least three items daily. When the list reaches one hundred, serve ice cream."

I like the idea of predicting and heading toward a goal. And I like the promise of ice cream.

Photo by Andy Sullivan

you can support us at