I liked her tactic.

 

There are times when I give myself pause before emoting at John. When I am steamed about a decision he made, or what he didn't do, it can feel urgent. But I invite myself to wait before I launch into a reaction. I resist picking up the phone to send a prickly text, or gnarly voicemail. Those actions are addicting, like sugar, and give me a buzz. But if I precede that knee jerk response with something more healthy, like a string of appreciations, the immediacy recedes. True, he did not do what I asked and expected. But if I widen my peripheral vision enough to notice all the things he did do, gratitude crowds out the disapproval like strawberries can outshine cookies.