Marriage Moats- Olympics

Published: Wed, 08/01/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)

There is a flood of attention on the Olympics. It is incredible to watch athletes chase their goals, after investing thousands of hours, dollars and miles. It exemplifies the determination of people who can identify where they want to go. If you ask an aspiring Olympic gymnast or volleyball player where they are headed, they do not stall. They know.

It seems unlikely that a swimmer who simply shows up at the pool on hot days in July and does laps until he gets tired, taking days off to go to the mall, will end up with a medal. Such an accomplishment requires indefatigable effort. Preceding that long term commitment, is a clear vision of the target.

An athlete has measuring tools, to mark his or her progress. He or she has a coach, who provides encouragement and relentless drive. Together they have a regime, mapped out over months and years to get from good to gold. He or she does not wait until the race begins to find out if her body is ready.

The truly startling part is that a society that eagerly supports such athletic prowess drops the ball when it comes to marriage. Actually, it scarcely even picks it up to begin with. Who asks at a wedding, "Where do you want to be in five years?" What would the dreamy eyed couple have to say? Perhaps their sights are focused enough to say something like "um...a house and two kids," but what of the actual relationship? We don't even have vocabulary to describe a developing marriage. How can we expect the same word to encompass a couple still shoving cake into each other's mouths, parents of young children racing to the playground, and a silver haired couple who have weathered sixty winters?

Often in our marriage groups we ask couples to articulate to themselves where they want their marriage to go. I confess that the answers do not leap off my own tongue. While a plan to still be married sets you above half the crowd, it lacks sparkle. If Mark Phelps had told his sponsors in 2008 that his plans for 2012 were merely to still be swimming they may have closed their check books.

Photo by Chara Odhner

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