Marriage Moats-Pick Two

Published: Wed, 07/18/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

I read a twenty foot stack of parenting books in the eighties. I was stumbling through issues like sibling rivalry, chores, and breastfeeding. The pages created a pathway out of the culture shock of caring for another human being... or five.

A memorable one was The Difficult Child. It included a suggestion that harnessed my sprawling attempts at discipline and lined them up like the edges of a ream of paper.

"Pick two things."

"What? There are a litany of areas that need addressing... fighting, manners, teasing, clearing dishes...."

"Pick two."

"Two?"

"Two."

"How about three?"

"Ok, one."

"Alright, alright. Two."

I felt as if the author was a steady voice piercing the cacophany inside my head.

After a session of brutal pruning I came up with two behaviors that took priority. This felt like a starvation diet for my voracious hunger to correct children. I endured a month of tongue biting while I reigned in my words.

But life shifted. My kids were no longer reacting to a rotating list of demands. Even the youngest could keep track of two rules. I let go of the need to perfect them before pubescence. I backed off. The feisty factor went down.

I have applied the idea to my marriage as well. It loosens my vice like grip on spousal renovation.

Photo by Photobooththing.com

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