Rather than the more ubiquitous blame technique I am embarrassingly familiar with, she invites her husband to be her advocate. This gently closes the spring loaded door called "SHE IS MAD AT ME AND I AM THE PROBLEM" and opens the one marked "I AM HER HERO".

 

John has tried to express to me in words I understand that shame is a crippling feeling for him. When I suggest that he is inept, or unworthy, or sub par the blood in his veins freezes. I have seen it spread across his face like a chameleon blushing from green to red. I am not sure if I am just cocky but if he is less than pleased with me, I survive. If he feels the shame spotlight trained on his naked persona, the outcome is less certain.