Marriage Moats- Laughter is Not Optional- Part 7
Published: Thu, 06/07/12
| Marriage Moats | Caring for Marriage | ||||
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 Mona and Harvey walked into the coffee shop holding hands. Marjorie and Larry were already seated at a table in the corner, laughing. They seemed oblivious to the other people in the room. The younger couple ordered drinks and sat down.
"Thanks for suggesting we meet here today," Mona greeted them, sipping her mocha.
"Hi, Mona, Hi Harvey." Marjorie gave her signature smile. Larry's eyes lingered on his wife for a moment longer before he turned to the couple beside them.
"When you are learning new skills, it actually makes a difference if you practice in different physical places. It settles into you more deeply. Let's start with the Appreciations exercise we talked about last time." Larry wrapped his arm around Marjorie and pulled her closer to listen.
Harvey cleared his throat. "Mona, I appreciate the way you help me to remember things I mean to get done, without nagging me. I appreciate your beautiful face. I appreciate how calm you are being about the growing guest list our parents are adding to." Mona shifted and raised her eyebrows. "I appreciate the way you play with my little brother, when he wiggles between us for attention."
"I adore Matthew," Mona interrupted. Larry put a finger to his lips. She lifted her hand to her mouth sheepishly. She mouthed the word "sorry".
Harvey continued for a few minutes and then Mona spoke about her appreciations to him. If there was any nervousness between them before, it had melted.
"Wow, Larry, it feels great to hear what Mona is grateful for. There were some things I could have guessed but some were a total surprise. It feels wonderful to tell her how much I appreciate her, too," Harvey was effusive.
"How was it for you, Mona?" Marjorie invited her response.
"It actually helped me feel better about some of the little irritations we have been having about wedding plans." She squeezed Harvey's hands. He flinched.
"It is time to tell you about another aspect of our agreement, one that is integral to our mutual promises. Not only will you meet with Frank and Laura once a month, you will meet with a group of five couples once a month. They are the other couples we are currently preparing for marriage as well." Larry raised his eyebrows in anticipation of a response.
"You mean Carrie and Bill, and Shelly and John? I am so excited!!" Mona wiggled with a blast of joy. Harvey loved this about her. She felt happiness, and sadness for that matter, much more easily than he did. Mona helped him to navigate his own emotions. He could not imagine facing life without her.
"Yes, and three other couples that you may not know yet," Marjorie added. "Each month we expect you to find a time to get together. This is a vital part of your commitment. Even when life feels busy, this does not get shoved out any more than eating does."
Harvey pondered this. He enjoyed food and the comparison to skipping meals hit hard. He occasionally missed lunch when he was up to his elbows in a project but he did not like it.
"What will we do together? Watch a movie?" Mona asked.
"Not a chance," Larry chuckled.
"It was an honest question, honey," Marjorie reminded him.
"Sorry, you are right dear. See how she keeps me on track?" Larry accepted the redirection. "No, we will give you a format for your meetings, and ideas for topics. But the group will create its own character. Always begin with a check in, appreciations, brag time, and a report about how your jars are filling up."
"Oh, they have jars too!" Mona was thrilled to know they would have this secret in common.
"You will have a discussion about a book you are reading together, or an exercise, or a subject like forgiveness. Then you play a game." Marjorie's face lit up. "Marriage is supposed to be fun, and yet we slide into routines and have-tos. We have a bunch of games we enjoy, and probably you have some too."
"We love In the Manner of the Word, and Dictionary," Mona smiled at the recollection of Harvey acting out 'dramatically'. She pictured how he had pretended to faint, and started giggling. Harvey looked at her, puzzled, and it only made her laugh harder.
"That's a good start," Marjorie grinned.
to be continued
Photo by Andy Sullivan
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