Marriage Moats- The Twelfth Name- Part 6
Published: Wed, 06/06/12
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 Mona and Harvey looked forward to their sessions with Larry and Marjorie. It was a wonderful balance to the wedding preparations. Flower arrangements and decisions about the guest list dimmed in importance when they were with their pastor and his wife talking about what makes a marriage strong.
One time Mona asked about the last line on the contract. "You never quite explained about whose signature goes there."
"I am glad you remembered." Larry nodded as his smile grew wide. "Marriage is God's plan for the birth and protection of children. The older I get the more I marvel at how wisely it all fits together. Parents learn to put their own needs aside while they care for their baby. This involves sacrifice, and learning to love someone who cannot repay you."
"Although slobbery kisses from a toddler are a mighty sweet reward," added Marjorie.
"Yes, they are." Larry looked at Marjorie with a fan of wrinkles spreading from the corners of his eyes. His gaze drifted to the photographs of their four children splashed across the wall. There were baby pictures, images of children on the beach, boys blowing out candles, ballerinas, wedding photos of the three that are married and cherubic grandchildren. Marjorie paused to look at them too. Mona and Harvey felt as if they were witnessing a long and precious history.
"One of the tragedies about divorce is what happens to the children. There is a flood of research about how it affects them. It is integral to our agreement with you, that if and when you have children, they are invited to be a part of your support team. Perhaps you saw the Disney movie Parent Trap. It was on when we were kids. It is about two twins who scheme to bring their divorced parents back together." Larry paused to see if they knew what he was referencing.
"No, I haven't seen it," Mona shook her head. Harvey looked blank too.
"Well, watch it for homework. Anyway, children want desperately for their parents to love each other. Yet our legal system gives them absolutely no voice in the matter. This contract changes that." Larry looked deeply at the young couple. They shifted uneasily. Mona began to weep quietly.
"It broke my heart when my parents divorced. I was only eight and I thought we were a happy family." Her tears made a river down her cheeks. Harvey put his arm around her.
"Seeing my parents split up cut my heart in half." She tucked her head into Harvey's chest and he made a cocoon around her while she sobbed. Marjorie and Larry closed their eyes in prayer.
After several minutes, Mona was able to look up again. Harvey curled his body around her protectively. Gently Larry continued.
"When you feel the time has come to tell your child about this contract, you can invite them to sign on the twelfth line. They are part of the host of people who honor your marriage and protect it. You agree to give them a voice and to listen to their feelings. Then if the time seems right you can invite them to contribute to the jar too."
Mona's eyes brightened. "I would have done anything, everything to help my parents work through their problems. But they never asked me what I thought. It came as a decree and it crushed me. I can picture myself putting dimes in that jar for them."
Marjorie smiled. "That happened with one of the couples that was truly struggling. Their mentor couple and their parents were having trouble staying connected with them. They distanced themselves, and closed off their hearts. But when their six year old daughter started selling lemonade to put coins in the jar to save their marriage, their walls broke down."
Mona started to cry afresh, at the pain of her own childhood, and the miracle of this small child. "How are they now?" she sobbed.
"Incredibly strong. That was five years ago. They had another daughter and named her Hope."
to be continued
Photo by Jenny Stein
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