Marriage Moats- Somewhere in the Middle

Published: Mon, 05/28/12


Marriage Moats Caring for Marriage

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(If you want to hear Lori read this story click)here
 
The other morning I visited a friend whose house was even messier than mine. Later on in the afternoon I went to see a friend whose home is substantially cleaner.
 
I noticed the feelings that surfaced. At ten a.m. I stepped over an obstacle course of shoes and trucks, whiffed the stacked remains of what they had eaten for breakfast as well as dinner the night before, and had to negotiate with books and sippy cups for a spot on the couch before I could sit down. By contrast, I pictured my own recently tidied living room. I smugly ticked off the chores that had gotten done that week, and reached my rubbery arm around behind my back to pat it vigorously. My nose tipped up a notch as I silently lauded my ability to handle life with five kids at home and four boarders.
 
Then in the afternoon I stepped across another friend's threshold. There was an asymmetrical vase with yellow irises, and floral drapes. The woody smell of cinnamon floated from the oven, and a minuet by Bach pranced across the plush pillows. The living room was a palette of champagne and salmon with teal accents. If anyone had consumed food in the last twenty four hours there was no evidence. The kitchen reminded me of a glossy advertisement, there were no piles of laundry waiting for transport, and the hardwood floor looked as if it had recently been buffed.
 
I heaved a sigh as my shoulders sagged. I felt like a complete loser. 
 
My head swiveled with the dichotomy. Was I competent or was I a slouch? Was my worth as a human dependent on the success or failure of people around me? I have heard that the quickest way to feel tall is to have short friends.

 
My perception about my marriage vacillates wildly too. Our interactions are perhaps less slovenly than the couple I heard duking it out at the airport. They hurled insults like bullets. But John and I are significantly less cozy than the newlyweds I saw holding hands at the coffee shop. She batted her eyes so much it probably cooled her latte. 
 
My big sister had a poster called Desiderata when I was too young to have posters. It suggested that comparing myself to others would not make anyone happy.
 
"There will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
 
I suppose comparison is the enemy of a good marriage as well.
 
 
 
  

 

 
 
 
Photo by Jenny Stein
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