Marriage Moats- Rev. Soneson- Part 1

Published: Fri, 06/01/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here

A Fairy Tale that Begins Where the Others Leave Off

Once there was a clergyman who had a reputation for performing weddings that lasted. He did not boast about it, but word got around. If Rev. Soneson married you, you stayed married. No exceptions.

Harvey and Mona were curious about it. They knew many ministers, but were drawn to the legendary record of Rev. Soneson, and when they became engaged they asked him to perform the ceremony.

The first time they met he sat across from them in his cozy, if somewhat disheveled, office. They held hands tightly for security on the coffee colored couch. He smiled as he invited them to tell him how they fell in love. Quickly they became comfortable, lost in the sweet remembrance of going to college together, long walks by the tracks, and discussions late into the night. Harvey could not take his eyes off of Mona's blue eyes as she told the story of when they exchanged promises on New Year's Eve at a wedding reception.

"We want to be together forever. We want God as the heart of our marriage, and we are willing to work hard. It seems odd to even say that, since being together is incredibly fun and easy but we know plenty of couples who have split up, and we are not going to let that happen to us," Harvey said with a shake of his head.

"I love Harvey, and I never want to hurt him. Ever!" Mona squeezed Harvey's hands when she said this. The circulation in his fingers was being cut off, but he would never have admitted it.

"I would be delighted to perform your wedding ceremony. It is one of the greatest blessings of my job. And I need to let you know that I have high standards." Rev. Soneson raised his eyebrows provocatively.

"What do you mean, pastor?" Harvey was suddenly nervous again.

"When I marry couples, it is for keeps. Perhaps you have heard that. For that reason I do not marry every couple that comes to me. I have an agreement that will require eleven signatures before we even begin."

"Eleven?" Mona let out a little gasp. Harvey looked confused.

"Eleven. Yours, Harvey, yours, Mona, your four parents, mine, my wife Marjorie's, a mentor couple of your choosing... and God's." He paused to let the idea sink in. "When I was in theological school I knew of two couples who began with hope and promise, and then eight years into their marriages they split up. None of their parents had any idea they were even struggling. It is a travesty to ignore the support of your parents in something as vital as marriage. They may or may not have had a great marriage themselves, but they can and will help you through the tough times... if you let them."

"But my parents are divorced," Mona started to cry.

"That does not preclude them from loving your marriage. They have learned some hard lessons, and they need to be part of your support team."

"What is a mentor couple?" Harvey wondered if this was another expense.

"A mentor couple is one that you want to build a relationship with. They need to have been married for ten years or more, and to be willing to meet with you monthly to check in. They will come to some of our premarital sessions, as will my wife Marjorie. She is an integral part of my marriage ministry, and the heart of my life. I need her wisdom as I try to help you look to the Lord in your own relationship." He nodded to the photograph of the two of them on his desk. She was looking up at him laughing, and he had a mischievous look as if he had just said something private to make her smile for the camera.

Mona's thoughts drifted to couples they respected that could possibly mentor them. Would anyone want to? There was her Aunt Laura and Uncle Frank. They had a wonderful, long term marriage. The young people were both lost in thought when Rev. Soneson spoke.

"Often young couples are worried about asking someone to make such a commitment. But in my thirty years of experience people have always held it as a great honor. In fact one couple was on the verge of divorce themselves, unbeknownst to the engaged couple. They still said yes though, in the hopes of helping them to avoid the incredible pain they were going through. After three years of being mentors, they asked me to do a renewal of vows for them. That was seven years ago. They are stronger than ever."

to be continued...

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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