Marriage Moats-Repair Cafe

Published: Sun, 05/20/12

Marriage Moats

Caring for Marriage

(If you want to hear Lori read the story click)here

I read about a fascinating new venture in the Netherlands. In an effort to reduce the number of appliances and clothing that are relegated to the landfill, there are Repair Cafes springing up. People with a knack for fixing things show up with hammers, sewing machines and glue. Other folks arrive with their miscreant vacuum cleaners, steamless irons and ripped skirts. Everyone works together to solve the problems, nibble cookies and build community. There was a generous donation given in the interest of "social cohesion".

It is a brilliant idea, based on good will and the premise that people are altruistic. Personally it is not hard for me to imagine offering my own skill set. I would never venture to dismember a toaster, but hand me your loose buttons and frayed hems. Pour me a cup of tea and I will cheerfully rejuvenate your garment while we chat. I am already one of a herd of people who sew costumes for local theatrical productions. Sometimes I get paid, sometimes not. No matter. I like to sew.

Probably the system works better if folks bring chairs that are wobbly, not smashed.

I wonder about a place for marriages to come to be spruced up. People could arrive with a broken conversation, sit down with another couple and talk over a cup of coffee. The older couple will have some experience with mending relationships. I can imagine they would be pleased to have their skills put to good use.

Just today I was in a mother's group where a woman was talking about her husband's commitment to running, and her feelings around it. I listened, and substituted the word singing. John is part of a barbershop group that meets twice or thrice a week, and there are days I feel jealous about his time. Hearing this woman helped me to tidy up my frayed feelings, and ease the bulging resentment. I feel calmer for having been with her.

It need not be complicated. Of course it helps if you bring your relationships when they need lubrication, not a complete overhaul.

Intact marriages are the spine of social cohesion.

Photo by Joy Feerrar

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