Marriage Moats- Senior Project
Published: Fri, 05/18/12
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Last night I was part of a panel of judges evaluating the capstone projects of high school seniors. One girl raised a litter of puppies to be great family pets. A boy coached younger kids in lacrosse and gymnastics. Another girl wrote two historical plays and taught them to fourth graders to act out. The last student wrote a booklet of quotes and illustrated it. It was remarkable to hear the stories behind these long term efforts. They were guided to articulate a goal, find a mentor, research the possibilities and map out the steps to achieve it. Each of them elaborated about the discouragement, and hurdles to overcome. They had been told to expect it to be hard. There was no implication that if they ran into problems, it meant they were not trying hard enough, or had chosen a bum idea. The young man had to revamp his project when he sustained a concussion, and was honest about his anger around that.
The young lady raising puppies went into it with her eyes open, knowing that Labradors are high maintenance. The runt of the litter was born pale and not moving, and she was afraid he would not live. Her mentor knew what to do. She and the girl's mother rubbed his tiny body and shook him to get the mucus out of his lungs. Slowly he started breathing. Everyone was teary. They named him Lucky. He came to the presentation and charmed us with his exuberantly wagging tail.
Hearing about the debacles was as riveting as the triumphs.
Each person had a team of supporters. The program for the evening included a list of a hundred people who have contributed to the success of these teenagers. No one was doing this alone. My name was on the list too, because of my willingness to honor their efforts and evaluate the final speech. What a pleasure it was to be there. I felt as if I got to know these burgeoning adults, and it was a shoe in to like them. A lot.
The system works. Kids get to dream, and tackle big ideas. Over the years I have heard presentations that left me nodding and smiling. One boy made a guitar. Another girl made desserts from fifty countries and served them after church. A student fed families at the Ronald McDonald house while their children were in the hospital. Another girl designed and sewed a graduation dress for her friend.
Service is a pivotal piece of this endeavor. From the beginning students are expected to think outside of their own needs, and dig for ways to truly serve others. I am moved by the bridge it offers teenagers to step into altruism.
I wish we were as savvy about networks to support marriage. I have not the slimmest doubt that there are as many people willing to show up to brace couplehood as there are to applaud teenagers learning to coach. What could happen if newlyweds had as stringent a process as this three credit course?
Actually I think good results would pour in even by committing to half of these line items. Because there are people who know what to do if your relationship stops breathing. And no one should do it alone. Drawing by Lauren Waddell
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