A year ago a friend believed her marriage was done. Over. While she still loved her husband, his porn addiction was a deal breaker for her, and she told him she could no longer stay in the relationship. 

"There are women who would be ok with it, and I want you to be happy. So go be with one who is."

She meant it, not as a threat, or ultimatum. Clearly he had chosen images over an air breathing woman and she was done competing. Her words were not spoken in anger or even disrespect. She offered him his freedom. 

He was shocked. He knew in a theoretical way that porn was damaging, but it had never sunk in that it deeply hurt the woman he loved. For he did love her. He stopped indulging cold turkey. 

It is a miracle of circumstances really. For decades she felt intense disgust, and disrespect for him because of the addiction, and made no bones about telling him. Regularly. Disrespect is a catalyst for people, men especially, to wallow in shame. Shame triggers numbing responses, like porn. And the beat goes on. 

When she stepped out of the familiar duel... first she stabs with cutting words, then he does what she despises, she rebuffs with more accusations, he withdraws further... it was not only a step into freedom for her, it was for him as well. True freedom, not the raggedy facsimile that is disguised as addiction, but the genuine kind. That higher place of being able to see where you are now and where this road leads.

In his years of hiding things on his computer she tried to sneak around and find proof. But the clear evidence was in whether he was present with her, or only a shadow of himself. When he stopped the fantasies, he came home to her, and there was no need to spy. Seeing him be truly happy brings her more joy than scolding ever did.

In offering him respect back before he "deserved" it, she gave him the path, and the reason, to become a man she loves more than she could have thought possible.