The talk I attended about microboundaries drew a crowd.  Perhaps all of us are confused about healthy edges, which keeps the courts busy. 

The speaker described the moment in therapy when he turned his back on his clients, who were sparring, and listened intently. In a burst of clarity he saw the pattern. When one of them made a statement that rightfully belonged in the other person's domain, it ignited anger. Not only that there was a rebuttal, likewise crossing the boundaries, in less than a minute. Back and forth they volleyed with a hot potato. 

"You don't understand." 

"You don't want me to!"

"If you actually cared, this wouldn't be so hard."

The counselor asked if these statements made them angry, Which they said they did. 

"Do you know why?" 

On a deep level, we all protect our freedom. That includes our right to have opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and desires. When someone crowds us out of those attributes, it is like being caged. We get mad. 

The group was curious how to best respond to those deal breakers. He assured us that a contradiction only fuels the conflict. He invited us to hold our tongues. 

"What you can do, though, is to make a request. Ask your partner to speak more calmly without claiming to know how they feel. Express your hope that they be on time without presuming to understand what they believe. Request that they take out the trash without insinuating their motives."

Our sense of self is one of God's dearest gifts. Yet He who is omniscient, and could be so brazen as to proclaim what we, His created, intend... doesn't. He protects our fledging autonomy and respectfully asks us to follow Him.